Thankskilling Review

 And the Story Goes...
A turkey is resurrected for the sole purpose of exacting revenge on the descendants, who happen to be college kids, of the European settlers who massacred the Natives and took their land. The youngsters must solve the mystery of the turkey's source of power, and how it can be destroyed.

Hero of the Cherokee nation

My Thoughts
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year for most of us living in the States because it's an extended weekend that we can spend with our friends and/or family, and indulge in preparing/eating way too much food while (presenting ourselves as) being thankful for all that we have. That is unless you happen to be a native of these lands, in which case the celebration is usually exchanged for the cursing of things like buoyancy, speakers of Indo-European languages, and opportunistic greed.

Director Jordan Downey must have been privy to the feelings of the Native Americans, and he decided to create an artistic apology for the atrocities that happened. Thus we have Thankskilling!

As with all things, such as hearing that free trade is good for middle class America, and the claim that forcing everybody the purchase health insurance will somehow reduce the cost of health care, a sense of humor needs to be maintained while indulging in the experience that is Thankskilling. Reason, logic, and all around good sense have no place for members of this audience, dagnabbit! Just sit back, and enjoy that which has been carefully crafted for your pleasure.

Turkey in disguise

To answer the question that is inevitably on your minds, yes there are boobs.  But not just any jugs...Pilgrim jugs! It is important to keep in mind that the scene involving said mammary(s) is shot as artistically as possible as an aging adult actress flees from a plastic evil turkey. Indeed, Downey brings to mind a young Stanley Kubrick as each frame passes before my yearning eyes. Well, maybe not Kubrick, but he at least brings to mind a young Nick Zedd...during his golden era, of course.

Hannibal did it first, but Turkey makes it look good

If I'm being honest, and I always strive to be honest, the characters actually work because they are so stereotypical. It becomes obvious after 3.41 minutes that Downey intentionally created the most unoriginal characters since Trevor Moorehouse, with the sole intention of being pseudo original. Well Mr. Downey, in the words of the immortal Tupac, I Ain't Mad at Cha. I've been making the claim that what the film industry needs is more stereotypical characters for years. It appears that somebody was listening.

Folks, it's time be serious for a moment. One aspect of Thankskilling that seems to be forever ignored is the social commentary in the film. As the characters make the "joke" that Ali's legs are harder to close than the JonBonet Ramsey case, it is as if Jordan Downey is saying "hey, murder cases should never be unsolved. Cases such as JonBonet's should not be left open like Ali's legs." Make no mistake, it takes courage to come out and proclaim such a bold statement. Godspeed Jordan Downey, godspeed.

Now I know what you're asking, "but Jack®, is Thankskilling a film crafted with the passion of Tennessee Williams?" Well, in a word, absolutely. Downey possesses a gift that could only be rivaled by Shakespeare, Dickens, Sun Tzu, or Seuss. I'll let you in a little secret, I achieve a literary/cinematic erection when I hear such heartfelt lines as "you just got stuffed" being uttered by a plastic turkey as he satisfies a young women. Only true genius could create such beautiful prose.

Ali gets stuffing between her thighs

And so, the beauty of film can be appreciated by even the most novice of viewers. Indeed, Thankskilling may appear to be yet another no-budget shot-on-video pile of drudge, but underneath it all, this is a film about youth, maturity, sexuality, and self-improvement. Well...maybe it's not about any of those things, but it is about a killer turkey whose presence transcends the cheap video that it was shot on. And that's the stuff that dreams are made of.

Conclusion
Now the question of the giorno, should you see Thankskilling? Only if you have a sense of humor, and like your movies to be extra stupid. This is definitely not a film for everybody, and I'm sure that many would disagree with my appreciation for it. But, if you like the movies that I review on this blog, then I would imagine that you would like this.

Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Thanksgiving 2.0. This is 70 minutes of culture that you can't find anywhere else. Celebrate the givin'.

2.5/5