Machete Movie Review: The Best Action Movie to be Released in September of 2010

Robert Rodriguez is a hit or miss director for me. He is capable of making really entertaining, though mostly mindless, movies that serve no other purpose than looking cool and throwing out nonstop action. Then, he is able to turn around and make some horribly mindless (in a bad way) dribble.  Machete falls somewhere between the cool and the crappy to give us a fairly forgettable modernized version of exploitation. That's not to say that Machete is horrible, because it isn't, but it just doesn't have that fresh magic that Desperado or From Dusk til Dawn had.

And the Story Goes...
Machete is an ex Federale whose wife was killed by Torrez, a kingpin. Machete was left for dead as Torrez's men set the house he is in on fire. He ultimately escapes, and is now living in the States as a day laborer.

While Machete is looking for work for the day, he is approached and asked by a man that works with Torrez to kill a senator. He is forced into doing the job, but is double crossed. He spends the rest of the film searching for those that set him up so that he can get revenge. He ends up working with Luz, a woman that helps Mexicans cross the border, and finds them work and housing, and Sartana, an immigration and customs officer.

Together, they uncover a conspiracy to get a certain anti-immigration senator elected so that a fence can be erected on the border. An it comes down to fisticuffs!

The Good

Michelle Rodriguez - Missing an eye
and a shirt.

As far as the actors are concerned, most good, and some are bad  (mainly one is bad one). Trejo is cool, and delivers as always. It's nice to see him get star billing after all these years of playing character bits in the background. He's a pretty charasmatic dude, and is still able to play the hardcore role at 66 years of age. It's pretty impressive. Seagal, Cheech, Fahey and De Niro were all great and clearly having fun with this one. Michelle Rodriguez is good, though she's playing the same "tough girl" role that she does in every movie that she's in.

The action is pretty cool, and in true Rodriguez style, the weapons get pretty creative. There's a scene where Machete is in the hospital after being shot. Some henchmen come in to kill him, and he is forced to create some makeshift weapons from hospital surgical tools (?), and take them all out. Personally, I would have never thought of cutting a man's stomach open, and using his intestines as a rappel rope. But now, I know what to do if I'm ever in a similar situation.

The Bad

Lindsay Lohan - Ruining movies since
1998.

I have a distaste for Lindsay Lohan, probably because of her real life persona, and she's pretty much playing herself in this. I'm not even exaggerating. She's some skinny cracked out rich girl that apparently makes internet adult videos with her mother. Here's the kicker though, she is constantly covered with hair, or positioned so that you never see her body when she's supposed to be nude. It's just dumb to be in something where the character is supposed to be nude, but refusing toactually play it nude. Honestly, you can't tell me that she believes that she is too classy to go topless.

If you're in any way concerned about Mexicans crossing the border illegally, then be prepared to be preached to. There's no question about the director's stance on the subject. Personally, I'm more concerned the baby boomer's greedy destruction of America. This wouldn't even be an issue if we didn't send our jobs everywhere in the first place. That's all for my soapbox.

One thing that irritates me to no end, and this pertains to movies in general, is the constant use of Ave Maria when violence is going, or is about to go down. It's been done over and over, and it isn't really clever. There are plenty of other beautiful songs out there to choose from if you want to contrast beauty with destruction.

Conclusion 
Basically, I would say that this is an ok movie. Is it great? Eh. But, it definitely has some cool moments in it. I like seeing Steven Seagal as the villain, instead of the usual silent hero that he always plays. I wish he would've been in it more. And, for the most part, everybody does well, and has fun with their roles. It does run slow at times, but I didn't find it to be too much of a problem because the action that is in the movie is really good.

Steven Segal - Mexican Samurai since 1986

If you like over the top action, like Shoot 'Em Up, then I think that you would probably find this to be an entertaining movie, unless they are overly sensitive about immigration. If you don't care, Machete is a decent enough action flick. I still prefer Desperado over Machete, but it's tough to beat that one anyways.

And as a bonus, you get some hot chicks to look at in case you start to get bored.

See it, but rent it before you buy it.

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