And the Story Goes...
A turkey is resurrected for the sole purpose of exacting revenge on the descendants, who happen to be college kids, of the European settlers who massacred the Natives and took their land. The youngsters must solve the mystery of the turkey's source of power, and how it can be destroyed.
Hero of the Cherokee nation
My Thoughts
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year for most of us living in the States because it's an extended weekend that we can spend with our friends and/or family, and indulge in preparing/eating way too much food while (presenting ourselves as) being thankful for all that we have. That is unless you happen to be a native of these lands, in which case the celebration is usually exchanged for the cursing of things like buoyancy, speakers of Indo-European languages, and opportunistic greed.
Director Jordan Downey must have been privy to the feelings of the Native Americans, and he decided to create an artistic apology for the atrocities that happened. Thus we have Thankskilling!
As with all things, such as hearing that free trade is good for middle class America, and the claim that forcing everybody the purchase health insurance will somehow reduce the cost of health care, a sense of humor needs to be maintained while indulging in the experience that is Thankskilling. Reason, logic, and all around good sense have no place for members of this audience, dagnabbit! Just sit back, and enjoy that which has been carefully crafted for your pleasure.
Turkey in disguise
To answer the question that is inevitably on your minds, yes there are boobs. But not just any jugs...Pilgrim jugs! It is important to keep in mind that the scene involving said mammary(s) is shot as artistically as possible as an aging adult actress flees from a plastic evil turkey. Indeed, Downey brings to mind a young Stanley Kubrick as each frame passes before my yearning eyes. Well, maybe not Kubrick, but he at least brings to mind a young Nick Zedd...during his golden era, of course.
Hannibal did it first, but Turkey makes it look good
If I'm being honest, and I always strive to be honest, the characters actually work because they are so stereotypical. It becomes obvious after 3.41 minutes that Downey intentionally created the most unoriginal characters since Trevor Moorehouse, with the sole intention of being pseudo original. Well Mr. Downey, in the words of the immortal Tupac, I Ain't Mad at Cha. I've been making the claim that what the film industry needs is more stereotypical characters for years. It appears that somebody was listening.
Folks, it's time be serious for a moment. One aspect of Thankskilling that seems to be forever ignored is the social commentary in the film. As the characters make the "joke" that Ali's legs are harder to close than the JonBonet Ramsey case, it is as if Jordan Downey is saying "hey, murder cases should never be unsolved. Cases such as JonBonet's should not be left open like Ali's legs." Make no mistake, it takes courage to come out and proclaim such a bold statement. Godspeed Jordan Downey, godspeed.
Now I know what you're asking, "but Jack®, is Thankskilling a film crafted with the passion of Tennessee Williams?" Well, in a word, absolutely. Downey possesses a gift that could only be rivaled by Shakespeare, Dickens, Sun Tzu, or Seuss. I'll let you in a little secret, I achieve a literary/cinematic erection when I hear such heartfelt lines as "you just got stuffed" being uttered by a plastic turkey as he satisfies a young women. Only true genius could create such beautiful prose.
Ali gets stuffing between her thighs
And so, the beauty of film can be appreciated by even the most novice of viewers. Indeed, Thankskilling may appear to be yet another no-budget shot-on-video pile of drudge, but underneath it all, this is a film about youth, maturity, sexuality, and self-improvement. Well...maybe it's not about any of those things, but it is about a killer turkey whose presence transcends the cheap video that it was shot on. And that's the stuff that dreams are made of.
Conclusion
Now the question of the giorno, should you see Thankskilling? Only if you have a sense of humor, and like your movies to be extra stupid. This is definitely not a film for everybody, and I'm sure that many would disagree with my appreciation for it. But, if you like the movies that I review on this blog, then I would imagine that you would like this.
Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Thanksgiving 2.0. This is 70 minutes of culture that you can't find anywhere else. Celebrate the givin'.
And The Story Goes...
A group of college kids, including multi-talented Joey "Whoa*" Lawrence, head to Florida for a luxurious spring break vacation. They soon find out that all is not well as acquaintances and friends begin to die by the hand of a mysterious masked killer. It is up to a Reese Witherspoon look-alike and her friends to find out who the killer is, and to stop him before it's too late.
The typical attire of a girl on spring break at 9 in the mo'nin
My Thoughts
The secret is that there are no real scares, blood, boobs or inventive stories involved in Do You Wanna Know a Secret?. Whoa!*
In my review for Dead Above GroundI had mentioned that it was a 'by the numbers' film...and I stand by that statement! As it turns out Do You Wanna Know a Secret? is by all accounts a by the numbers movie to the tenth power. On IMDB this is listed as a horror, thriller and mystery, though if you've seen more than one typical late 90s/early 2000s teen horror flick, then you will probably have 'the secret' figured out in 7 minutes 41 seconds ± 2. Luckily for me, my tolerance for what many would consider to be painfully terrible cinema is fairly high.
After learning the plot of Do You Wanna Know a Secret?, and seeing how 'want to' is spelled, it should come as no surprise that actors who could actually provide solid performances more than likely avoided this project like the plague. In fact, J-Dogg Lawrence (as he's known on the streets) is the best part of this movie. Indeed, the grown up version of the Blossom heartthrob appears to be a Laurence Olivier-esque thespian when compared to the remaining 'actors' (or as I like to call them 'the warm bodies reading lines').
Unimportant character. She doesn't have money,
but man does she want a taco!
(fuzziness is from the movie)
Let's talk death scenes for a moment. They are far and few, and tame even by 1950s standards. Some characters just don't show up for a while, and we learn later that they were killed...off screen. Personally I don't get a hard-on for huge amounts of gore, but I believe that if you intend to make a stereotypical teen slasher film, then by George you need to give the people what they want! I'd like to give a little note to the filmmakers: cutting necks isn't the only way to kill people!
In essence the story line, acting, editing, death scenes, characters and even the score are all average or below average.
Now, I'm sure that you're asking 'but Mr. Inimitable®, isn't there anything redeeming about this movie.' Well, seeing Joey Lawrence play the tough guy is pretty entertaining. I haven't seen such devastating whirling roundhouse kicks since the era of Norris in such classics as Lone Wolf Mcquade and The Octagon. At first glance Joey may appear to be your typical aging teen idol desperately clinging to the fame that he once knew, but I can guarantee you that this ex-Tiger Beat regular is all business.
Joey Norris....I mean Lawrence
Another great character is Oz, who, in keeping with the tradition of Blacula, Blackenstein, and The Bleature Blom the Black Blagoon, I would like to call Blercules (black Hercules, for those of you who can't put 2 and 2 together), but in the spirit of political correctness I will simply refer to him as the nondescript gent who isn't Joey Lawrence or the killer, or better yet - Oz. This guy is huge, and you would think that might come in handy at some point. However, as the movie progresses, he grows geekier and geekier until he is barely a step above Steve Urkel. At one point the battle between this giant and the killer, who is of average height, build and intelligence, is so one sided that it's laughable. As my grandpa would always say 'you can't judge a book by its cover...even if the cover is on steroids.' I always wondered what in the hell he was talking about. Now I know.
Jeff Conaway (R.I.P), of Taxi and Grease fame plays a troubled detective...or FBI agent...or a person in some position of authority ( I admit that I just don't feel like rewatching it to find out his exact title because it really isn't that important). Unlike Joey, you can see that Signor Conaway doesn't really have an interest in playing in Do You Wanna Know a Secret?, and he is just going through the motions for his paycheck. I can't say that I blame him. It would be sad having a once (semi)promising career, and now you are stuck playing with actors who deliver lines with the subtlety of an atom bomb in time square - I'm looking in your direction Leonora Scelfo.
Now I'd like to bear my soul to you for a moment. I don't know what the killer's problem is, and I've actually lost sleep over this because the secret isn't really a secret. The secret is pretty mundain, and it's surprising that the movie makers actually believed that it would require an entire feature length production to:
1. Create a strong desire within the audience to learn what the secret is (something that never happens)
2. Have the characters develop a strong desire to learn what the secret is (I don't think that they even care)
3. Have the secret revealed and resolved (by this point nobody cares anymore because those who managed to stay awake are probably thinking about how they could have watched Scream 3, Gigli, or anything on the food network instead of Do You Wanna Know a Secret?!)
This entire story could have been told in roughly 15 minutes, or 20 minutes if Andrei Tarkovsky is directing. All I'm saying is if you plan on making a movie of mostly filler, then at least give us characters who are fun to watch.
The killer
Conclusion Do You Wanna Know a Secret? is an incredibly predictable movie that is in a genre that is already filled with overly cliche and predictable entries. The premise isn't that interesting, and the execution doesn't make up for any shortcomings that the script has. The only real reason that I watched it is because I was curious to see Joey Lawrence in a horror movie since all that I remember of him was Blossom and that show and movies that he made with his brothers.
All in all, I would say that if you skip this movie, then you won't be missing much. This would definitely be most entertaining for fans of this particular time period of teen horror flicks, or Joey Lawrence fans, but I think that most would find it stupid and/or boring. Some hooters could have really broken up the monotony of it all, but I guess you can't everything. In other words, watch at your own risk.
*Obligatory Joey Lawrence 'whao' reference. As per Connecticut State Statute 315 article 12, any article, blog or obituary that contains the name 'Joey Lawrence' must have no less than 3 'whao' references per 1000 words.
Who To Know Chuck Bowman................Director Stephen J. Cannell.............Writer
Stephen J. Cannell............Carl Hadden - Nerdy teacher who can't get the girl. Josh Hammond.................Jeff Lucas - Weird goth kid. Claims to be George Lucas' nephew. Don Michael Paul..............Tom Donaldson - Pot smokin' gym teacher. Antonio Sabato Jr..............Sgt. Dan DeSousa - The Barney Fife of modern homicide detectives. Lisa Anne Hadley..............Dr. Brenda Boone - She has a thing for incompetent policemen.
The Story Goes...
A disturbed student at a high school has a series of encounters with both students and faculty members. After one altercation he is accidentally killed when he drives off of a cliff while being chased by another student. It is one year later and students and teachers begin to die at the hands of an unknown vicious killer. Together they must discover who the killer is, and how to stop them.
My Thoughts
I originally watched Dead Above Ground because I saw that Corbin Bernsen had top billing in this. "Hmm," I thought to myself, "Corbin starring in a teen horror movie? Sounds like fun." Well, I'll be honest, I was a bit let down. Corbin only has a very small roll, and he is in the movie for about five minutes or so. However, being the trooper that I am, I decided to keep watching, and I discovered that it wasn't as bad as I had thought that it would be based on other reviews.
Corbin Bersen and Cindy Margolis(?)
First off, Dead Above Ground is a low budget, by the numbers, straight to video b-horror flick. There is no real originality, or even much interesting dialog being used throughout it. To give you an idea of the quality of writing that this film has, it helps to be aware of the fact that it was written by Stephen J. Cannell (who also plays the role of Carl Hadden). If you're not sure who that is, just be aware that he is responsible for writing such classics as the tv shows Renegade, 21 Jump Street, The A-Team, and The Greatest American Hero. If you prefer this level of cheesiness in your favorite productions, and consider them to be high quality entertainment, then you may enjoy Dead Above Ground.
One great aspect of this film is Josh Hammond's over the top performance as the psychotic Jeff Lucas. Jeff is the goth of goths. Everything that he wears and says is about the occult, especially when he's sputtering what sounds to be total nonsense about equinoxes and things. I won't go so far as to say that Hammond's acting is on par with Eric Freeman's from Silent Night, Deadly Night 2, but it's pretty darn close. Subtlety definitely isn't in this young man's vocabulary, but I have a feeling that he knew what kind of movie he was taking part in, and he just decided to go all out.
Josh Hammond as Jeff Lucas
Most of the other actors are just playing the standard "we're just here to help drive up the body count," roles. Though, another standout is Antonio Sabato Jr. as the not-so-observant detective. This guy just throws around accusations all willy nilly, all the while never having any real proof of his claims. He likes to detain and release suspects based on the results of polygraph tests. Personally, I like Mr. Sabato because he helps prove the argument that it isn't only women that are chosen for roles based on their looks. After seeing him in this film, I can't help but get the impression that he is actually daring future casting directors to not hire him. Dude got balls(!), but not much talent.
Antonio Sabato Jr. as Sgt Dan Desousa
My favorite character, and one that I would like to see in other movies, is coach Donaldson. He gets fired from his coaching position, and instead of looking for another job like a normal person would, the only response that he could think of is to park his van, which I assume he lives in, in the school parking lot, and to smoke lots of Jane while taunting Carl Hadden. Perhaps I have a fondness for him because in my personal life I try to surround myself with losers like him to help boost my confidence and self esteem. In any case, this character is a winner in my book, and I'd love to see him in a spin-off...possibly costarring Stephen Baldwin.
Don Michael Paul as Coach Tom Donaldson
The movie does an ok job of concealing who the killer is, but you probably will not be blown away when he is revealed. Part of me believes that it was the intentions of the filmmakers to make this a mystery/horror, but it fails in that respect for the most part. Dead Above Ground almost seems to be an amateur's imitation of what horror movies in the later part of the 90s were like.
Conclusion
All in all, I would say that Dead Above Ground is a comedy with elements of horror. I know that Cannell has produced some questionable material in the past, but I just find it hard to believe that he wrote this dialog without realizing that it was incredibly unrealistic, and often times unintentionally funny. When I hear characters relating their internal struggles to others with lines like "sometimes I feel kind of out of place around here. Everybody here drives BMWs or Acuras. I drive an old Camero. I don't belong," I can't help but think that their stupidity is entirely intentional.
On the brighter side, the quality of this film is definitely better than the majority of what The Asylum has put out. Though I'm not sure that's an accomplishment to write home about. It's corny, cheesy, and is definitely not to be taken seriously. I didn't find it to be terribly boring, but I would say to rent it or watch it on Netflix. Unless you're a huge fan of ineptness, in which case I would say to buy it. And yes, there are quite a few unintentionally funny moments in this film.
All Souls Day. The zombie genre
is reborn. Or not.
Few can speak of the most influential horror movies of the 00s, and not mention All Souls Day. Ok, maybe that isn't completely true, but the gospel according to Jack specifically states "All Souls Day isn't the worst-eth movie produc-ed by man." So, there you have it.
Alright, I'll go into more detail. Director Jeremy Kasten, who you may know as the director of the remake of The Wizard of Gore, was given a fairly standard script, and he ultimately pushed out a fairly standard zombie movie. What's the difference with this one? The zombies are Mexican, of course!
People To Know
Alicia - The only person who speaks Spanish in the whole movie, in spite of the fact that it takes place entirely in Mexico. She has an incurable condition known as "the creeps."
Joss - Don't even ask. I've never hated a completely underdeveloped character the way that I hate this guy. You know that kid that warms the bench, but still thinks he's the stuff and acts like an ass because he's technically on the team? That's Joss.
Erica - Cheerleader bimbo. She's rich. We know that because it's mentioned about 7,291 times. I don't want to be mean, but I think that this actress may want to learn how to type. Acting doesn't seem to be her thing.
Tyler - A fairly unconvincing premed student that has to take care of things once Joss is injured. His other choice for a major was pre-law. This leads me to believe that he isn't really interested in becoming a doctor, but he instead just doesn't want to finish school. Why go for 4 years of nonstop drinking when you can go for 6 years of nonstop drinking?
Martia - Enigmatic inn keeper. This Laura Harring from Mulholland Dr! How is this possible?! Maybe David Lynch was originally signed on to direct this?
Vargas Diaz - The villain, played by Danny Trejo. He's so important that he gets a surname. He's known for laying in bed and beating it while his subject is standing in the room with him. He hasn't perfected his stalking techniques, I guess.
And the Story Goes...
There is a prologue in the beginning, that really isn't important, about the White family who stops in this backwards little Mexican town while on vacation, and it ends with a bunch of screaming. The family is eliminated with the exception of the little crip boy for some reason.
Now the real story begins! We catch our first glimpse of our main characters, an interracial couple, a Mexican girl and a white American guy, who are going to visit her family on what happens be Dia De Los Muertos...The Day of the Dead! Oh Kasten, you're always pushing the envelope.
As they drive, they discuss important issues such as Mexican street name diversity, and the struggle that all interracial couples face.
You know, we're all alone out here in this desert. Your
emotions are probably running wild, and you know that you
don't really have a choice....because of the implication.
Throughout these dialogs we learn that Alicia is a sassy-streetwise Latina, who's always quick with a comeback. Oh, wait...that's a character that would've been fun to watch. Our Alicia is not really boring, but not somebody that you would want to watch for an 1.5 hours...aside from her physical appearance. She's just kind of there.
Joss is annoying. I know that in my review of The Wizards of the Demon Sword review I said that Damon is extremely annoying, but Joss blows that idiot out of the water. I don't even want to think about it.
Anyways, Joss is being his tarded self and is paying more attention to trying to make his "girlfriend" laugh than driving. Because of his constant search for attention and approval, he ends up driving into a funeral progression. The people in the progression want to not die, and end up dropping the casket into the street while jumping out of the way of the car. A living girl, whose tongue has been cut off, falls out, and a shifty eyed cop takes her to the station to help her. Meanwhile our favorite couple is stranded in this Mexican equivalent to a hick town until their car can be fixed. They seek shelter in the only inn in town, where they meet the enigmatic Martia.
Hi, I'm Laura Harring. My career started off good enough, but
for some strange reason it plummeted, and now I'm forced to
act in low budget films like All Souls Day.
How can I hep you today?
As they find their way around the inn, strange things begin to happen. It's your standard low budge scare tactics such as little boys in the mirror's reflection, screaming, and bones in bread.
In spite of all that's happened, Jack-off-Joss decides that he is bored, and the best thing to do is call his friends Tyler and Erica to join them in Mexi-hell. They inevitably come, just in time for All Souls Day. It's a good thing that they do come because where else are we going to get our exposition?! I'm being serious, almost all the attempts at character development in this movie take place in this one scene where they arrive.
Oh, there's also a series of not-really-necessary flashbacks that let us know that Vargas Diaz was a bad man who destroyed all of the villagers of the small town for some reason decades ago. Trejo is Trejo, so I'm not going to be too judgmental of these scenes. I've always had a deep admiration for former-childhood-drug-addicts-turned-actors.
Back to the main story. It turns out that the tongueless girl was meant to be a sacrifice to appease some zombies that are cursed. Without her, the zombies will rise and kill everybody that lives in the town. Tongueless girl dies, and Alicia is taken as her replacement, but Joss saves her before the ceremony is finished. So, the zombies rise. Even when Joss tries to do good, he is annoying, and he screws things up.
The gang eventually gets trapped in the inn with a ton zombies roaming the streets. It's here that Erica displays her supernatural jumping/flying abilities that she learned in cheerleader camp(?). Luckily for us Joss is injured because a zombie thinks his leg "is a Bigmac." There is still hope for this movie!
Can the gang get out alive? Can they discover the secret of the zombies, and how to stop them? I don't want to give away too much, but just know that my dreams were shattered when a certain character does survive.
And for the record, I'm not really leaving too much out of the story here. This is pretty much it. There are a couple of scenes where the kids argue about Joss' possible transformation, and Erica's richness. But, it doesn't go much deeper than that.
Overall
What do you like to eat again?
The acting is somewhat uneven. Some were pretty decent, but some were not even almost good. I was really impressed at how well David Keith was able to deliver his monologue about how much he enjoys eating cats. I found it a little strange because we don't usually eat cats in Ameri....wait...what? He wasn't talking about cats?!
Poor Laura Harring. That's all I got to say about that.
Do I recommend? Sure. A dirty little secret that I like to keep is that I've seen this thing more than 10 times. It makes great background noise when you're trying to type up resumes, write blog posts, ignore your family, or find a job!
It's stupid, but honestly what zombie movies aren't these days.
To understand the complexity of Tommy Wiseau's The Room, we must first look at the culture that this monumental film was created in.
The year of our lord 2003 was a dark era in the fragile world of cinema. Patrons were forced to choose between viewing such gems as "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" or "2 Fast 2 Furious" to quench their thirst for cinematic pleasure. The future of film as an art form was uncertain, while critics and fans alike were questioning whether thought and emotion would ever translate to celluloid again. It was obvious that unless some miracle were to take place, that the art of film would deteriorate into complete Backstreet Boydum from which it would never recover. Somebody...somewhere had to capture the passion of Tennessee Williams, and to look past coherent narrative structure to show the masses the power of film.
One man would rise to the occasion and say to the world "Oh hi werld, I make film."
That man was Tommy Wiseau, and the film, of course, "The Room".
Most find this film to be laughably terrible, but upon closer examination we must look beneath the exterior of bland sets, subpar scripts, less than amateurish acting, and both digital and 35mm cameras being used simultaneously for some inexplicable reason, to see the art the really exist.
Tommy Wiseau
The Legend Begins
Little is known of the one known as Wiseau. Shrouded in mystery, the details of life before "The Room" are scarce, and often time do not make any damn sense. He claims to have lived in New Orleans for a number of years, and to have lived in Paris "a long time ago". However, judging from his thick unidentifiable accent, I would say that "a long time ago" is about 1 year before the making of "The Room". Somehow, with nothing more than a jumbled mess of a script and a dream, Wiseau was able to round up $6 million to fund his vision.
***The following biography is based off of the limited material that is available about Tommy***
Born in some European village to Jean-Luc, a wineshop owner, and Olga, a seamstress, Wiseau grew up in a modest home. As a child he would see movies that took place in New Orleans, and vowed to someday live there and claim that he grew up there. His passion for film was amplified during the 1990's when he witnessed the works of the great Pauly Shore. Biodome pushed the envelope beyond anything that Wiseau had seen, and this was the final straw that encouraged him to fulfil his dream.
His desire to move to the US was fulfilled when he saw a mafia kingpin commit a murder in a certain European back alley that I will not name for the sake of Tommy's safety. As the prime witness to the case Tommy was placed in a witness protection program, given a new identity, and was awarded $6 million, which he promptly used to fund his cinematic treasure.
***Or***
Born to a European Barroness, Tommy Wiseau enjoyed all the luxuries in life. As a youth he would often find himself in movie theaters, lost in the worlds that were created by the likes of The Two Coreys and the Olsen Twin Adventures. Being that his family was filthy rich, Tommy moved to the US, claimed that he has lived there a long time without providing any details into his actual past, and made a $6 million movie that could've realistically been produced for less and $1 million.
***Or (And this is what I believe)***
Tommy is acutally a character that was developed by a real person for some reason. And, much like Marilyn Manson or vitually every rap star out there, he never leaves this character when in public.
***The above three scenarios are difficult to verify, but they are all very possible. The Genius of Wiseau, as well as his life, are blanketed in mystery. Perhaps one day we can understand the origins of his genius.***
Johnny
A Man Torn Apart
One feels the love that Wiseau posesses for this character. There was not a backstory or character developement for Johnny because there was no need for either. He transcends our conscious ability to understand his perfection, and the profound effects that he has on those around him. When there is a problem Johnny is always listening, waiting to take action and help. He has the uncanny ability to say the right thing at the right time, always.
When Mike explains to Johnny the humilliation that he felt after Claudette displays his underwear to everybody in the room, Johnny is there to lend a compassionate ear. When Denny is buying drugs Johnny explains the dangers of such unscrupulous activities. In essence he is the crutch that supports his friends when life is pressing down on them.
The innocencee of Johnny makes his inevitable demise a true cinematic tragedy. Never is a character flaw present in Johnny, and to lose such a person is a blow to humanity. In a word, Johnny is PERFECT. The loss we all feel inside as Johnny proclaims to the world "I'm fed up with this world" is undeniable.
We're sorry Johnny. We've collectively disappointed you, and we've lost innocense because of it.
Lisa
The Devil in a Red Dress
The extent to Lisa innate evil can never be completely understood by any one individual. On the surface there appears to be no movtive for her seemingly unjustified hatred of Johnny. Upon further examination one could develop a sense that perhaps Lisa holds a jealousy for the pefection that is Johnny. The close proximity would create a hellish environment for a woman who could touch, sense and see the flawless Johnny, but could never strive to be his equal. In his innocence, there seems to be no sign of detection of this raging jealousy that his "future wife" holds for him. Ultimately, Lisa is able to use Johnny's belief that "love is blind" against him.
As he is consistantly being torn apart by her telling people that he his hits her, she takes pride in the injury that she has inflicted. She is never cognizant that the unnecessary revenge that she is taking on Johnny will never ease the pain of her inferiority complex. Sex, anger and revenge cannot fill the void of her empty heart.
Why does Lisa tell others, including Johnny apparently, that he hits her? Hell if I know. Bitch is evil.
Mark
Judas or Sampson?
Certain betrayals will be remembered throughout history. Cain's betrayal of Abel, Judas' betrayal of Jesus, Brutus' betrayal of Julius Ceasar and of course, Mark's betrayal of Johnny. Nobody can deny the pain that can be caused by the betrayal of a close friend or lover. Scholars have been dabating the topic in great detail to understand the psychological effects of having somebody close to you turn on you. The debate can finally be rested. Mr Wiseau captured not only the pain, but the psychology of betrayal as well in this extraordinary film.
Mark is the personification of both victim and betrayer. He repeated proclaims "Johnny's my best friend", even after banging Lisa multiple times. The seduction proves to be too powerful for Mark to resist. He knows that his actions are hurting Johnny, but he is powerless to resist the tactics of Lisa. Not since Sampson have we seen the true power feminine tactics overcome the power of masculinity. The demise of Johnny is never the intention of Mark, but he becomes nothing more than a puppet to the vixen that seduces him.
Often times people discuss the sudden presence of Mark without his signature beard. It is referred to by many as a continuity error. However, we need to examine the subtle nature of Mark and Lisa's post-banging relationship. Could Mark be a modern day represenation of Sampson? His great strength is demonstrated when he accidently thrusts Mike into a group of trash cans, seeminly effortlessly. Like Sampson's head of hair, the loss of Mark's facial is a representation of his total loss of power to lisa. He is no longer able to make the correct decisions, though he is fully aware that his action will lead to the destruction of the innocence that is Johnny.
Denny The Man (in a legal sense) With the Golden Football
For years film scholars have been debating what exactly does the football represent in "The Room". Is it friendship? Brotherhood? Or possibly relationships as a whole? Symbolism is difficult to convey due to human nature, and different backgrounds and experiences will cause us all to see objects in different lights. If we do suppose the football to mean brotherhood, what would that make Denny? He is obviously the "carrier" of the ball. But what does this mean?
We hear creepy phrases such as "I like to watch you guys", and " I wanna kiss you". The question of whether we should be concerned is soon answered by Johnny in a touching scene between him and Denny. Denny professes his love for Lisa, and Johnny states that it's normal. Is it though? Perhaps Denny, because of his strange childlike mentality, was chosen by Johnny to continue his legacy once he is no longer here. Denny is the link that connects Johnny to the rest of characters.
He is faced with the ultimate decision when Chris-R holds a gun to his head. Should he wait 5 minutes and pay Chris-R, or should he stand up to the persecution that Chris-R represents. This was clearly a test that Johnny had set up, which Denny obviously passed. He agrees to stop doing drugs and focus on college. He doesn't allow the fact that he clearly doesn't have the ability to read distract him from his goal of becoming a doctor. God speed Denny...God Speed.
Mike Complexities of Underwears
The range of emotion that Mike displays is undeniable. Because Johnny is the caring being that he is, he gives people free access to his home to do whatever they want. We are blessed with such a scene involving Mike and Michelle. The similarities of their names do, in fact, show the strength of the relationship that these two have. They are so comfortable with each other that they have no problems with banging on Johnny's couch, even with the constant threat of Johnny or Lisa coming home. They pull strength from each other as if they're are saying "hey, we like to bang regardless of who may enter, and we're ok with that".
One obstacle that Mike has a hard time overcoming, however, is the discovery of his underwear by the always gold digging Claudette. This affects him on such a level that he has to relay the story to Johnny even though we as the audience had just viewed it minutes earlier. Many believe this to be a flaw in the editing and script. However, I believe that this was clearly intentional, and that Mr. Wiseau was giving us all the clues necessary to show that this is a situation that Mike cannot move past. It ceaselessly plays over and over in his head. We can hear a plea for help as he says to Johnny "Claudette found me underwears". Again, Johnny, being the perfect being that he is, listens intently, and tries to comfort Mike. It apparently works as moments later Mike proudly proclaims that he must go see Michellle...to make out with her when Denny asks him to play catch.
Is Mike hiding his anguish behind a mask of masculinity as he comments on his sexual conquests? Further analysis is needed.
Claudette
A Testament to Sacrifice
Stereotypes can often be difficult to break. Great directors since the beginning of cinema have been able to crush these stereotypes, and create new characters that the world had never seen. For instance, Leone gave new life to the entire Western genre in the 1960's. Likewise, Wiseau showed us a new type of gold digger in Claudette. We are used to seeing women in film that are with men for the sole task of taking their money. Perhaps the male directors are projecting their own fears of what women may do to them onto their films. Whatever the cause, it is obvious that all gold diggers care about is money.
Claudette challenges this notion, and faces it head on. For her, money is a goal, but not the only goal. We learn that she has breast cancer during a dramatic exchange between her and Lisa. An ordinary person would stop their conversation to discuss this traumatizing realization. However, Claudette, being the calculating person that she is, insist on discussing Lisa's possible marriage to Johnny. She knows that Lisa cannot support herself, and clearly says so at one point, so she moves on to care for her helpless daughter. It's as though she's saying "cancer? I don't have time for cancer! I must help my daughter rob a man blind."
The dedication, the drive, the irrational hatred of men all provide Claudette with purpose. There is no self pity. There is no shame. Mr. Wiseau was saying to his audience "Go out. Enjoy life. Do not let anything, even breast cancer, prevent you from achieving your goals".
And again we thank you Mr. Wiseau.
Michelle
The People's Choice
There are times in our lives that rational decisions are beyond our grasps. The mind is like an egg in both its strenght as well as its fragility. And we as humans rely on others to protect our eggs. Lisa's friend makes every attempt to help Lisa see the error of her ways, sometimes at the expense of her own sanity. A lesser actress would never have been able to provide the subleties needed to portray the pain that Michelle has to continually endure.
Michelle hides her pain behind a mask of smiles and giggles as she walks in on Lisa and Mark banging hardcore on the couch. She knows deep down the pain that this will cause Johnny to experience. There is never a question about the ultimate sacrifices that will be made because of these two irresponsible people's decisions. As she tries to reason with Lisa, she is outwitted by the chubby vixen, and made to feel inferior for questioning Lisas motives.
Only with the support of Mike, who is dealing with his own "underwears" demon, can Michelle hope to come out alive. The pyschological toll of having to support Lisa when she is clearly doing wrong is taking a toll on the young Michelle by the film's end. Not since Arthur Fonzarelli has a secondary character captured the popular imagination that Michelle has with all of us. We all relate to her on a subconscious level, and we all want to see her succeed.
Peter
Pumpkin Eater
Few display the trait of the feeling of superiority without consequence the way the psychologists do. Peter geniunly cares for the well-being of his friends, but hides this behind a mask of intellectual power and arrogance. We find ourselves wanting to reach out to him to hug him so that he knows that it is sometimes ok to not be a hotshot doctor. If only we could tell him "Peter, it's not your success that we want to be friends with, it's you as a person that we enjoy. Please put down your defenses and share a friendship with us." Johnny states our exact feelings with the line "Peter, stop playing psychiatrist with us all the time."
We bear witness, during a game of football in tuxedos, to Peter falling after missing a catch. This no doubt represents Peter's fall from grace at the expense of missing the football, or as we had mentioned earlier, missing out on the brotherhoood that the football represents. He abruptly stops and says that he's finished. Does he really mean that he's finished with the friendship? Could his vision of how others view him be so sensitive that a single fall would cause him such great embarassment that he would end the friendship?
We all have a little Peter in us, some more than others, and Mr. Wiseau recognized that we all need to accept and embrace our inner Peters.
Some Guy
Who Is He?
I guess this person is supposed to be the represenation of change? Seriously, he just kind of pops up with no real explanation.
I am still working to understand the genius of Wiseau.
The Room Revealed
Innocence and Roses
We've examined the complexities of each of the main characters within The Room. Only a man who is passionate about his favorite hobby, the study of psychology, would be capable of creating such complete characters on emotionally deep level such as this. Never can we not see a little bit of ourselves in each character as they struggle to overcome their individual obstacles, aided only with their personal egos and the assistance of Johnny.
Now it is time to dissect and analyze the plot and narrative structure so that we can display the ability that Tommy Wiseau possesses to provide us with standard subject matter in an unorthodox manner. Never, for one second, should we assume that any part of this film has not been thought out and scrutinized before it made it in the final film. At times The Room appears amateurish, but this notion is common mostly to those untrained in the art of film analysis and appreciation.
A prominent feature of our hero is the appearance of consistently closed eyes. Could Johnny be so disgusted with those around him that he must shield his eyes from the inferior beings? The obvious answer is that Johnny's superiority cannot be analyzed by the average man. A similar scenario would be like an ant trying to determine why we wear shoes. The ant would not be able to understand because it is not capable of understanding. Upon reviewing Johnny, we must understand that we, in fact, are the ants.
Next consider the dreamlike atmosphere of what appears to be cheap, stagnate sets with limited camera movements. The characters enter and exit stage left and stage right, not unlike a stage play. Most writers would choose to adapt this play into a form suitable for film. Mr. Wiseau had the foresight to ignore conventional screenplay structure and focus more on the psychological nature of relationships. The obvious and unnecessary blue screen effect on the various "roof" shots throughout the film are not examples of the director being cheap. In fact, it probably would've been cheaper to film these scenes on an actual roof. Tommy Wiseau was providing us with the clues we needed to fully understand the film. The blue screen dreamlike scenes informed us on a subconscious level that we were in a world unlike our own.
Even the passionless sex scenes provide small details that assist in allowing us to understand what we are seeing. Many believe that these scenes are too long, and in no way contribute to the plot. I challenge this notion whole heartedly. Clearly Tommy Wiseau is using Tarkovsky's Sculpting in Time principle. He is allowing the audience to feel the effort that is involved in possible conception. Johnny is in need of an heir. Earlier we had discussed Denny's role as the link between Johnny and the rest of the world. However, before Denny passed the Chris-R drug test that Johnny had set up, there was a need to ensure a heir to carry on the tradition of Johnny. He has one purpose, to spread love and understanding to all, and he would do everything in his power to achieve this goal.
All of these elements combined allow us to see the secret of The Room. From dreamlike rooftops, stagnate interiors, the appearance of characters on drugs, and even smug psychiatrists. The obvious secret is the world that we are viewing, the world in which these characters live is part of a group schizophrenic hallucination. Mr. Wiseau's complete understanding of the complexities of the human brain allowed him to create breathing, loving characters. They have seen the outside. The crime, and the ugliness. Johnny provided the light for them to escape into a world of love and compassion. Until Lisa interferes with her fleshly desires, this world is alive. After her spite consumes her the innocence is lost and the world is doomed to fail. The Hallucination crumbles with the destruction of innocence. The ultimate sacrifice is made, their lives are forever changed.
No doubt, there are many out there who try to create films that touch our hearts on a subconscious level. Human nature is difficult to capture, and all but the most talented of directors fail in their attempts. All of the "short commings" that individuals list do nothing more than display their ignorance on the study of film and psychology. It is apparent that every detail of this film was considered and ridiculed. Wiseau's attention to detail is astonishing, as are his abilities to write, direct, produce, and executive produce.
